There is something to be said for romanticizing the past. It has led to some amazing songs. Seen It in Color by Jamey Johnson often makes me tear up. Not to mention some of the movies and books we have to thank for it. The only reason these things work though is being able to keep a firm grip on reality and remember that we are looking at things from a comfortable and safe present.

Many in my generation grew up knowing divorce had become more commonplace, and it made the idea of relationships and marriage scary. No one wants to set out to fail. No one wants to expect forever not to be forever. So this strange subculture started to happen. In it we started to pick pieces from the past that were good. We thought we were smart, trying to learn from the past and take the wisdom to the future. It was a good idea in theory, but anything taken out of context is likely to be distorted.

“We were born in a time where if something was broken, we would fix it, not throw it away.” This is a quote taken from a meme passed around on the internet for ages now. The claim is a reporter asked a couple who had been married, depending on the meme, for 30, 40, or 50 years what the secret was. This one piece of advice was my downfall, and I think so many others too. I didn’t think I was trying to change Brandon. I thought I was trying to work with our relationship. Each of us walking each others way (cue meet in the middle, neath that old Georgia Pine) until we found the common ground and worked it out.

It doesn’t work when the person you are trying to walk towards keeps backing up. The other issue is that this quote is taken out of the massively important historical context too. Yes, divorce didn’t happen much many moons ago. You know what did though? Uninvestigated farming and hunting accidents. Men randomly running off with a woman no one had ever heard of never to be heard from again. Communities found ways to solve problems with abusers. I am not condoning or condemning any methods because that would mean I am a judge and jury. I am neither of these. I am putting the words of caution out that holding ourselves to a standard for a world that doesn’t exist anymore leads to nothing but heartache.