Always be prepared. That is part of the value of the waiting, so that you can be rested. The trap finally sprung. The problem with abusers, particularly those who specialize in the invisible kind (aka verbal, mental, emotional, environmental, Narcissistic) is that they are excellent at ensuring the trap hurts, and does as much damage as possible. Even if you feel prepared, I know I did, our bodies cannot help but feel many of the same fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. I feel extreme fear right now, so maybe that is a sign of something good. Maybe it means I have healed just enough that I do something besides the do or die type response.

The paperwork I knew would came finally came. He was just as awful as I knew he would be. It was riddled with lies and horridness. The focus wasn’t Addie. It never is. If it were it would be so much easier to find common ground. The charade though, it is just…. it feels like I’m trying to hold up cardboard cutouts in a hurricane. I want Brandon to be a good Dad, and to be there for his kid. I just can’t help if he isn’t making the choices to prioritize her. I have helped hold up the cutouts, but now I’m wondering, is helping to hold them up actually helping Addie?