The invisible weight is harder to bare that the obvious and heavy. When Addie returns and is seemingly fine, the relief is fleeting. I have learned by now not to believe the initial minutes and hours. She is always so happy to be home that the internal storm is temporarily silenced. Soon enough though, it breaks through her joy. It always starts the same. She becomes disgruntled over things she is normally content with. Addie became unable to settle on one play activity for more than a few moments. Yes, I understand that children often jump around often. The thing is, that when the play is not satisfying and she is doing so in what was that is disorganized, it is not typical children that age. It is often referred to as dysregulated play. Addie is a prime example of this. She becomes overwhelmed and upset or hyperfocuses on anything that gives her enough sensory input to feel settled. He other parent does not know how to meet her needs. He never has, and cannot coparent to the point that I can coach him into meeting her needs. So each time she returns I prepare as best I can to help her regulate. At her age it is still typical for children to need to coregulate with their adults, and she is no different. It is exhausting, and there doesn’t seem to be a way to help her consistently improve. So for now every other Monday we plan her favorite foods, quiet nights in that help her sensory needs, and let her talk as much or as little as she wants. We try to begin getting things back on track for her, and learn to be patient with the waiting.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…” – Psalm 37:7